Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Ask political candidate same questions you ask dentist

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An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry.

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– George Eliot

South Carolina Republicans head to the polls Saturday, and the only advice I can offer is what I have suggested before:

Pick your candidate as you would pick any other professional handling an important facet of your life.

How would you pick an insurance agent? Does he care about your family?

Or pastor? Is he going to make your long-term future secure?

Or your auto mechanic? Will he send somebody to get you if you have a breakdown?

You can’t go wrong by picking your choice for president the way you pick your dentist.

Ask yourself three questions:

• Will it hurt?

• Will it cost me?

• Will I eventually look good?

If the answers are positive, so is your vote.

A HANDY MAN: I took some days off this week. Worked around the house.

The results were less than stellar, and the word must have gotten out.

Somebody at Home Depot or Lowe’s couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

That’s probably why Everett Fernandez sent me this list, which sums up the week pretty well.

Your modern tool box:

• Cordless drill – A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90 percent over a standard plug-in tool.

• Cordless telephone – The handyman’s 911.

• Vise grips – A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the job you’re doing or offer advice.

• Screwdriver – The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

• Phillips screwdriver – The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate exceeds $1,000.

• Electronic stud finder – An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

OLD SCHOOL: Bill Wood, ARC Class of ’56, wanted me to remind all former students and teachers of the Academy of Richmond County that you are invited to drop by the Academy from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Satur­day.

“Walk the hallways of yesteryear,” he wrote. “At noon, in the media center, a special ceremony will be held honoring two of ARC’s greats, former coaches A.L. Williams and Frank Inman”

TODAY’S JOKE: A man was shopping at a grocery store, picking up cat food for a friend.

Not having a cat himself, he asked the clerk whether he would get the senior discount on the cat food.

The clerk looked at him and asked, “How old is the cat?”


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