– Nicholas Chamfort
I have had a cold for the past month.
I don’t think I’ve ever had one this long. It seems to ebb and flow in discomfort – never quite bad, but never quite gone.
I’ve used the usual over-the-counter remedies that have worked in the past. None seem to knock it out, but I’m not surprised.
My theory on cold cures is that everything I try will work the first time, but then I will build up an immunity to the cure.
The next time Mr. Cold comes to call, last winter’s rescue is this winter’s failure.
I’m thinking folk remedies are my next solution. Any ideas?
CHILD’S PLAY: Congratulations to my nephew and his wife on the birth of their first child Wednesday – a son. They made a grandmother of my little sister, who announced the event on the Internet with no words, but simply a photo.
They can now start talking like modern parents:
- A child’s bedroom isn’t cluttered; it’s “passage restrictive.”
- Kids don’t get in trouble anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.”
- They’re not shy. They’re “conversationally selective.”
- They don’t talk too much. They’re “abundantly verbal.”
- It’s not called gossip. It’s “transmission of near-factual information.”
- He’s not sleeping in class. He’s “rationing consciousness.”
- He wasn’t sent to the principal’s office. He simply went on a “mandatory field trip to the administrative building.”
SQUIRREL REPORT: My well-known challenges with squirrels lead people to seek my advice on getting rid of them. This happens often when we have cold days and the bushy tails get into attics. I usually reply there are several methods, none of which I’ve found successful.
I called my father, who suggested baptizing the squirrels.
“That way,” he said, “there’s a good chance you’d only see them on Christmas and Easter.”
TODAY’S JOKE: Two first-time hunters are out in the woods when suddenly one grabs his chest and falls to the ground.
He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The second hunter whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “I think my buddy is dead! What should I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence … and then a shot is heard.
Then a voice comes back on the line, “OK … now what?”