Sylvia Cooper

City Ink columnist and correspondent for The Augusta Chronicle.

All gift ideas for Augusta officials are appreciated

  • Follow City Ink

Some are naughty. Some are nice. But all are appreciated.

I’m referring to the responses I received after making this request via Facebook and e-mail:

“About a month ago, I took our 14-year-old yellow lab, Mickey, to McDuffie Animal Hospital to have his teeth cleaned, and Dr. Janet Echols found a tumor on the back of his tongue which turned out to be malignant melanoma. She was very sympathetic but didn’t give us any real hope for him. But after further consultation, she and Dr. David Ruehle referred us to Dr. Corrie Barker, a cancer specialist in Athens. We opted to try a vaccine that has been effective in treating malignant melanomas in some cases. It might eventually help Mickey but takes a few weeks for antibodies to build in his system. Meanwhile, the tumor began growing back fast, so Dr. Barker referred him to the University of Georgia Veterinary School where he underwent laser surgery this week to remove the re-growth and his tonsils.

“He had major separation anxiety being there and panted so hard, I was afraid he was going to drop dead of a heart attack or stroke, which I kept thinking still would be better than dying slowly of cancer – albeit ironic. The first night in Athens he ate part of the cardboard food bowl they put in his cage, which was highly unusual from their point of view as well as ours and caused quite a bit of consternation among the doctors and staff. But it didn’t cause any major damage that we know of. After the surgery, he was miserable, and we were too. But he’s getting better.

“In January, we’re taking him back for radiation treatments. He might not live long, and if he doesn’t, we’ll at least know we did everything we could to fight the terrible disease and give him a little more time.

“Why am I telling you this? Because I need your help writing City Ink this week. While I was traveling back and forth to Athens, I missed everything. So, I was thinking since Christmas is near, I would ask you for suggestions about what you would give some of Au­gus­ta’s public figures for Christ­mas. If the response is good, I will put the best ones in Sun­day’s column, with attribution. If not, I’ll see you a week from Sunday.”

WHAT DO YOU GIVE SOMEONE WHO CAN BUY WHAT THEY WANT WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S MONEY? Naomi Williams, the author and legendary English teacher who inspired so many Augusta students to achieve great things while striking terror in their hearts:

“Oh my dear! Only someone who loves dogs can sympathize, I have had two experiences with Athens. If anyone can save a life, you have gone to the right place. I would love to help you but I don’t know the city officials well enough. Besides, you know I am one of those liberal Democrats and like Obama. I don’t know if these items would fit anyone but consider a dunce cap, a Christmas card to Obama, slingshots, bottle of wine to commissioners to promote brotherly love, a shredder to Azziz to tidy up his office for Christmas, pacemaker to lower heart rates, flowers to anyone?

“These may fit somebody but as I say, I don’t know people. You can’t criticize the writing of your fellow workers. If there is anything else – article on holidays etc. let me know. I shall put Mickey on my prayer list. Naomi”

Patty Beck: “My list is just too long.

Anonymous: “I’d give Augusta a pedestrian bridge to Columbia County for the last few Augustans who haven’t moved there already; season tickets to GreenJackets’ games in their new North Augusta stadium for everyone except Augusta commissioners; brooms for owners of boarded-up downtown properties, so they can sweep Broad Street’s empty sidewalks.”

Former Mayor Bob Young: “I’d give Mayor Deke Copenhaver an Extreme Makeover – Endorsement Edition. He went on TV and endorsed Scott Peebles for sheriff and endorsed Matt Aitken for District 1 commissioner. And if we give one to the mayor, we’ve got to give one to Ronnie Strength, who went on TV and endorsed Scott Peebles and then Freddie Sanders. I’d give Fred Russell another coat of Teflon to help him survive the new commissioners.

“Commissioners could give the citizens of Augusta a Christmas gift by naming something for the hardworking taxpayers of this city. For example: a “Hard­working Taxpayer Road,” a “Hard-working Taxpayer Bridge” or a “Hard-working Taxpayer Fire Station.”

“The taxpayers have already given city government its gift by sending Marion Williams back to the commission.”

Attorney and former candidate for sheriff Freddie Sanders: “I’d give Ronnie Strength a little toy tractor for the one he didn’t get from the Democratic Party.”

Jill Peterson: “I’d give Richard Roundtree an empty scrapbook to fill with Augusta’s first and many complaints and criticisms of a sheriff. I’d give the commission and school board the gift of having their votes reported in the news. Deke probably needs more dog food from the 15th Street Kroger. Remember when Deke said he goes into the 15th Street Kroger? He said he buys dog food in there sometimes. It makes me wonder where he buys his people food and why not there.”

Adriene Thomas Goldman: “A muzzle for Marion Williams?”

Former school board member and commission candidate Kenny Echols: “Give them all common sense to do the right thing for Augusta.”

Robert McElmurray: “I’d give Joe Bowles a year-round bus pass for the continued outsourcing of APT to Mobility transit. I’d give Fred Russell directions to the nearest exit of the municipal building from the commission chambers. I’d give Margaret Woodard a broom and dustpan. I’d give Walter Sprouse a Starbucks gift card, and Paul Simon the Local Lobbyist of the Year award.”

Geneva Steele: “Hi, Syl­via. First of all, so sorry to hear about your dog. Our pets are our family and we love and take care of them as such. Hope he makes a full recovery. My prayers for him go up. That being said, this is what I’d give to our city officials for Christmas. I’d get a tiny box and inside I would put a note expressing my thankfulness to them for what they have or have not done for our city. The note would start like this: ‘I come not bearing gifts but etc.” My two sons (grown now) gave me a tiny box years ago (which I still have) and inside was a note that read. “Mom this box contains nothing but LOVE.” A kind word, a hug or even a smile goes way further than any gift you could give. Have a Merry Christmas.”

Anonymous: “I’d give Joe Bowles a copy of the movie Carbon Copy because he’s going to have to pull off what’s in the movie – change bodies with a black person to get elected mayor. And I’d give Sheriff-elect Richard Roundtree Viagra because if his track record is any indication, with all of his power, he’s not going to be able to perform without ‘better living through chemistry.’”

City Ink: A dumpster for every corner of downtown Augusta because in speaking against the Business Improvement District/Clean Augusta Downtown Initiative program at last week’s commission finance committee meeting, business owner Michael Walraven said the 2011 report said CADI workers removed one ton of trash and debris a week from a 30-block area downtown. In researching BIDs, Walraven said one in Louisville, Ky., reported removing one ton of trash and debris a week from a 102-block area with 11.9 miles of sidewalks, which must mean Augusta is three times as dirty as Louisville, Ky.

Anonymous: “I’d give Deke a membership in the volunteer deputy program Round­tree is going to start, so he can maintain law and order at commission meetings with Marion Williams being on there. I’d give Fred Russell a new calculator because he’s really going to have to count his votes to keep his job after the first of the year.

Andrea Shervette: “A big bag of coal for everyone!”

Comments (15) Add comment
ADVISORY: Users are solely responsible for opinions they post here and for following agreed-upon rules of civility. Posts and comments do not reflect the views of this site. Posts and comments are automatically checked for inappropriate language, but readers might find some comments offensive or inaccurate. If you believe a comment violates our rules, click the "Flag as offensive" link below the comment.
Riverman1
94348
Points
Riverman1 12/16/12 - 10:34 am
8
5
I'd Give

I'd give Mayor Copenhaver a NORTH Augusta Greenjackets T-shirt. I’d give Lewis Blanchard a badge and handcuffs to play with. I’d give Richard Roundtree a round trip ticket to Vegas so he can pay his own way. I’d give Joe Bowles a job with Morris Communications because he earned it doing what Mr. Morris wanted him to do on the Commission. I’d give Joe Jackson MORE money to contribute to local campaigns. I’d just give Corey Johnson money. I’d give Bill Lockett a paid membership in the National Nitpicking Society. I’d give Bonnie Ruben a box of breakable items so she can use one every time she hears about more county money going to the Marriott. I’d give South Augusta a wall that divides the county in any way they see fit. I'd give all the Chronicle staff two weeks at the Log Cabin Democrat in Conway, Arkansas to see how they do it.

jwilliams
1117
Points
jwilliams 12/15/12 - 10:09 pm
4
0
The "GREAT ONE"

Hey Riverman 1 are you saying that the "GREAT ONE" needs money? LOL

dichotomy
37658
Points
dichotomy 12/15/12 - 10:53 pm
8
0
I'd give George Patty a 4000

I'd give George Patty a 4000 gallon chlorine tank with an orange windsock on top to sit beside his house, a muddy ditch out by the road, a study that says "discourage development" in his area, and a letter from the TAX Commissioner telling him how valuable his residential property was.

rebellious
22079
Points
rebellious 12/15/12 - 10:55 pm
7
0
Dispicable Me

I would be Scrooge for all Augusta politicians. Bah Humbug, everyone downtown. Christmas is such a great time of year I hate to even think about the deals, taxes and otherwise crooked schemes swung. But here goes:

For Deke- A letter from Santa ala "Yes Victoria" that says yes there are great things going on in Augusta! Signed "Countyman"

For Fred (What me worry" Russell - A going away gift. A free escort to the exit at the Marble Palace and some new Augusta Chronicle suspenders.

To Paul Simon and Riverfront LLC - You got your present already. It was the new air handler for the TEE, and next year the Crosswalk and management agreement.

For Richard Roundtree - Your new, history making position will allow you to write a book and make big bucks, like Obama did. That's enough, plus you will occupy the Sheriff's office until you choose to screw up and get arrested.

For Sheriff Strength - a nice long retirement.

For Augusta - a new vision broader than downtown.

God Bless Us, everyone.

Little Lamb
49260
Points
Little Lamb 12/15/12 - 11:56 pm
7
0
Gift

For Fred (What, me worry?) Russell: a pink slip, with no severance package (because you have been derelict in your duty). That would be more appropriate than a lump of coal.

countyman
21687
Points
countyman 12/16/12 - 01:14 am
1
9
Augusta is becoming a happening place. No doubt about it!!!

I give the city of Augusta two thumbs up for the incredible progress. The growth is being spread around the entire county this year, and in 2013.

1.) South Augusta= $20 million vocational high school, new tag/utility office, $30 million Bobby Jones/I-520 widening, Mike Padgett construction, Windsor Spring rd widening, Five Guys at Colony Plaza, Hampton Inn hotel on Gordon Hwy, Starbucks, Rockwood, Augusta Regional parking expansion, Augusta Regional 200 acre industrial park/$7 million General Perry Smith Pkwy, etc..
2.)CBD= GGHF property, Sprint Food & Metro Market, Holiday Inn Express, renovated Fort Discovery Property(Discovery Plaza), Farmhaus Burgers/12 apts, TEE center, skywalk, WAGT building set to become restaurant/meeting space, 9th street/James Brown Boulevard streetscape project, etc..
3.)Harrisburg= Walmart neighborhood market/other amenities, The Cookout restaurant..
4.)West Augusta= NCG Cinemas/Home Goods comig to the Village at Riverwatch, Residential Inn by Marriott, Wrightsboro rd widening, Wrightsboro rd/I-520 interchange improvements, Home2 Suites by Hilton, Dunkin Donuts/Which Wich/other businesses, two 4k sq. ft buildings in front of Kroger, Walmart on Wrightsboro rd, 45k sq. ft. Harrington Park skilled nursing facility, etc..
5.)Southwest Augusta= 13 acre shopping center, 25 acre shopping center, 10k sq. ft Shoppes at Dyess Park behind Zaxbys on Jimmie Dyess, etc..
6.)Laney Walker/Bethlehem= new businesses, residential, parks, etc..
7.)Medical District= $76 million Medical Commons, $1 million Laney Walker pedestrian park, $100 million Cancer Center, Walmart neighborhood market/other businesses, etc..

jwilliams
1117
Points
jwilliams 12/16/12 - 06:46 am
7
0
"THE GREAT ONE"

I say give Corey “THE GREAT ONE” Johnson a hat for his bald head if you can find one large enough to fit.

Riverman1
94348
Points
Riverman1 12/16/12 - 07:15 am
9
1
JWilliams

JWilliams, remember when Corey Johnson got married and found a natonal meeting out in Colorado for the county to send him to so he could have a honeymoon? Heh.

seenitB4
98656
Points
seenitB4 12/16/12 - 07:25 am
7
1
Best gift award goes to-------

I’d give South Augusta a wall that divides the county in any way they see fit

PERFECT !!!

OpenCurtain
10049
Points
OpenCurtain 12/16/12 - 10:11 am
1
0
I'd Give most of them a burning lump of Coal in their pockets

But President Obama and his EPA cronies have make it impossible to purchase.

But as a taxpayer I don't have wonder what they WANT,
they always want more $$$$$$.

But I am, and many others, are tapped out.
They will need to settle on my next vote, which is based on if they $ave tax money vs. find new ways to $pend it on..

BTW: Don't come looking to for more $$$$.

catawba7
319
Points
catawba7 12/16/12 - 10:37 am
4
0
A BIBLE AND A BRAIN

For all members of the Augusta government, my gift to you from the citizens of South Augusta.

I'll go to God in prayer for your souls and I hope you read your bibles once in a while.

I'll go to the Wizard to get you a brain to ensure you are able to comprehend what you read in your bibles.

B=basic I=instruction manual B=before L=leaving E=earth...

Based on your actions towards South Augusta you need both.

Plus a pink slip to all of you attached to a big lump of coal. Merry Christmas!

corgimom
38775
Points
corgimom 12/16/12 - 02:26 pm
2
0
Yeah, nothing says progress

Yeah, nothing says progress like spending taxpayer money, especially when it benefits private business owners!

I give all the Commissioners a free day to hold a meeting in the TEE center, so Wally Sprouse can triumphantly announce more bookings for the TEE center. No revenue will be produced, but why should anyone worry about that? Just go have an overpriced drink at the Marriott, and everyone will be happy, except the taxpayers of Augusta who have to pay for 100,000 square feet of EMPTYNESS.

bubbasauce
24316
Points
bubbasauce 12/16/12 - 05:01 pm
1
0
Amen catabaw7. Enough said!

Amen catabaw7. Enough said!

jwilliams
1117
Points
jwilliams 12/16/12 - 08:27 pm
0
0
"THE GREAT ONE"

If Corey “THE GREAT ONE” Johnson becomes mayor pro tem, does he want to be referred to as “THE GREAT ONE”, “THE EXHAULTED ONE” or “LORD AND RULER”? And will he have a magnetic sign made for his vehicle as a previous mayor pro tem did. Just AXING.

JRC2024
10562
Points
JRC2024 12/19/12 - 07:31 am
0
0
jwilliams, who had a magnetic

jwilliams, who had a magnetic sign made. How horrible and egotistic.

Back to Top
loading...
Top headlines

City Ink: New board means more work for me

First Mayor-elect Hardie Davis will be sworn in, and the very next day the work will begin. Commissioners will meet and the gavel will fall. It will be a brand new day at City Hall.
Search Augusta jobs