Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Discover a reason to recall Columbus

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Riches don’t make a man rich; they only make him busier.

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– Christopher Columbus

I celebrated Monday’s Columbus Day by trying to discover something. I looked through my closet to see whether there was anything I didn’t need and could give away.

I discovered I have six pair of black pants.

“You can wait tables in restaurants during your retirement,” my wife said encouragingly.

I looked through the bathroom closet and found a new towel we got last month before company came.

“I really like that thick, white towel you got,” I told my bride. “It feels super absorbent.”

“That’s a terry bath mat,” she said without looking up.

Finally, I looked through the armrest console on her SUV, the one I rarely get to drive. I found about $3.50 in quarters and assorted spare change.

Sometimes, it pays to discover.

THINGS I CAN’T DISCOVER:

Why do “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?

Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there?

Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?

Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?

Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

And, if love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

PARKINSON WEEKEND EVENT: I represented Augusta’s Parkinson’s disease fight with a T-shirt during the July 4 Peachtree Road Race. Now you can help, too.

Saturday at the Wilson Family Y track, 3570 Wheeler Road, will be the annual Moving Day fundraiser – a collaborative effort of the National Parkinson Foundation and the National Parkinson Foundation Central Savannah River Area chapter.

Between 9 a.m. and 1 p.m., there will plenty of wonderful activities, entertainment and information to enjoy.

Last fall, Augusta’s Moving Day raised $37,500 and had more than 300 participants, including people with Parkinson’s disease, family, friends and co-workers. Let’s do even better this year.

TODAY’S JOKE: Father O’Malley answers the phone.

“Hello, is this Father O’Malley?”

“It is!”

“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”

“I can!”

“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?”

“I do!”

“Is he a member of your congregation?”

“He is!”

“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”

“He will.”

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