Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Baseball season is relaxing at the ballpark

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Hello again, everybody. It’s a bee-yooo-tiful day for baseball.

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– Harry Caray

The GreenJackets opened at home this weekend and I was back in my Lake Olmstead Stadium element. As I have said many times, I find few things as relaxing as rocking back in a ballpark seat with a game playing out before me. The tension drains away …

It was also good to see all my old friends, too. Jerry and Ted and Scott and Ernie and Lloyd and Kenneth and Bob and …

PERRY MASON: In my line of work, you sometimes get threatened with legal action.

“You will be hearing from my lawyer!” a perturbed public poobah will proclaim.

I respond with honest, but questioning admiration: “You have a lawyer? Really? I don’t even have a regular barber. The best I can do is: ‘I have a dentist.’ ”

I guess I’m not in court enough to need a lawyer. My dentist doesn’t really hurt anybody, either, so I never threaten anybody with him. He does have a pretty stern flossing lecture.

TAKE STEPS: The Melanoma Research Foundation will hold its third annual Miles4Mela­noma 5K Run/Walk at Lake Olmstead on Saturday morning. Registration begins at 7:30 a.m. and the run/walk starts at 8:30.

FEELING ALL RIGHT? Someone sends along the latest warning about what’s being called the C-nile virus. I guess I was singled out because it is supposed to afflict those computer users born before 1958. The symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

4. Causes you to send back the message to the person who sent it to you.

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

6. Causes you to hit SEND before you’ve finished the

TODAY’S JOKE: Here’s one shared by Seth Benson, of Millen, Ga.

Gladys Dunn recently moved into a retirement community in a small town. One beautiful Sunday morning she walked down the street to a church not far from her apartment. Gladys was in awe of the big, beautiful building as she stepped inside to attend the service.

Gladys, however, wasn’t too impressed with the sermon. She thought it was kind of boring and, as she looked around the church, she noticed that many of the members were nodding off.

When the preacher finished his sermon, he encouraged the congregation to greet those sitting close by. Gladys turned toward the man sitting on her left. He, too, had fallen asleep and was trying to wake up. He smiled at her, and Gladys returned the smile.

She politely offered her hand and said, “I’m Gladys Dunn.”

“You and me both!” the man replied.


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