Bill KirbyOnline news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

What doesn't kill us leaves a big old dent

  • Follow Bill Kirby

Everything has been figured out except how to live.

– Jean-Paul Sartre

They got me again.

Almost a year after someone in a Martinez restaurant parking lot rammed into my passenger-side door, left a huge dent, then drove away under cover of darkness, the other afternoon someone else scraped the driver-side rear corner in a grocery store lot and scampered off without leaving a note.

Same car. Same lack of moral responsibility.

Same reaction from my wife, which frightened even me.

“If I ever catch them ...” she seethed, making me happy she wasn’t catching me doing anything.

“Maybe we should have the vehicle repainted a fluorescent color,” I suggested anxiously.

Her response was not positive, and I hurried from the room convinced that some people are impossible to humor.

As they say, yesterday is experience; tomorrow is hope; today is getting from one to the other.

YOUR MAIL: From Charleston, S.C., a postcard from Judy B., Judy F., Julie, Betsy, Marth, Kim and Linda, who are “all having fun. Playing tennis, watching Family Circle Tournament and shopping at the Market. Even a ‘Ghost’ Tour.”

TODAY’S JOKE: Here’s one shared by Judy Lemon:

Four successful brothers were discussing the 80th-birthday gifts they were able to give their mother, who moved to Florida .

The first said, “You know I had a big house built for Mama.”

The second said, “And I had a large theater built in the house.”

The third said, “And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver a new car.”

The fourth shook his head and said, “You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took 10 preachers almost eight years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.”

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration, Mama sent out her “Thank You” notes.

She wrote: “Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”

“Marvin, I am too old to travel, so I never use the Mercedes. But thanks.”

“Michael, you gave me an expensive theater that can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead. I’ve lost my hearing, and I’m nearly blind. But it was a nice gesture.”

“Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. That chicken you sent was delicious. Thank you so much. Mama.”

Comments (1) Add comment
ADVISORY: Users are solely responsible for opinions they post here and for following agreed-upon rules of civility. Posts and comments do not reflect the views of this site. Posts and comments are automatically checked for inappropriate language, but readers might find some comments offensive or inaccurate. If you believe a comment violates our rules, click the "Flag as offensive" link below the comment.
shrimp for breakfast
shrimp for breakfast 04/10/12 - 05:02 am
That joke was hilarious Bill!

That joke was hilarious Bill! I'll be telling that one for some time to come

Back to Top
Search Augusta jobs