Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Exercise can be real pain in, well, you know

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More people rust out than wear out.

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– Colonel Sanders

My father, who likes to quote the celebrated philosopher above, will often give me health advice.

“It’s OK to turn back the clock,” he’ll say, “but be sure you don’t stop the clock.”

With such counsel I frequently scrutinize my running magazines looking for tips on how to preserve my heart, improve my times and somehow not embarrass myself while jogging for local charities.

That’s where I found dead butt syndrome.

Sounds like a joke, right? It’s not.

In a serious article written by a serious health doctor, I discovered that many runners across the nation are afflicted by a defective rear end, often injured by too much running and not enough cross training.

OK, I read the article several times, noticed repetition of the word “gluteus” and decided I needed more research, so I Googled and found that a New York Times article that put “dead butt” in nonmedical terms. And I quote:

“The technical name of the condition ... gluteus medius tendinosis – an inflammation of the tendons in the gluteus medius, one of three large muscles that make up the butt.”

Dr. Darrin Bright, a sports medicine physician for Riverside Methodist Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, and the medical director of that city’s marathon, said:

“A new thought in running medicine is that almost all lower extremity injuries, whether they involve your calf, your plantar fascia or your iliotibial band, are linked to the gluteus medius. In the last five to 10 years, we’ve just realized how much of an important role the gluteus medius plays in stabilizing the
hips and the pelvis in running.”

As usual, our problems appear to be behind us.

TODAY’S JOKE: NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months.

Then, when they thought they were ready, they placed all three into the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.

As the moment came closer, NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!”

At that, the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle’s engines ignited and the shuttle took off.

Two hours later, NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!”

At that, the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.

Another two hours later, mission control announced, “This is mission control to the astronaut ...”

At this the astronaut responded “I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don’t touch anything.”


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