Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

At least we still have the Masters

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Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

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– Erica Jong

Let’s review. Augusta can’t get a big-job plant to make bulldozers. We can’t get a presidential candidate to drop by and ask for our vote. We can’t get a seat on the Board of Regents to keep our colleges from getting merged.

Thank goodness, we still have a golf tournament.

And if you had to choose one, that would be the keeper, right?

SEND HIM A CARD: Former Gov. Zell Miller, whose HOPE Scholarship initiative got thousands of Georgians through college turns 80 on Friday. He hasn’t been feeling so well lately, so I bet a birthday card would cheer him up. The address is P.O. Box 860/ Young Harris, GA/ 30582

LUNCH TALK: I’m having lunch today at Hill Baptist Church and will probably tell this story. A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”

“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you, no matter who left you a fortune.”

BASEBALL: A great time was had by all Thursday night at the annual Augusta baseball reunion banquet at the American Legion on Milledge Road. Former major leaguer Darrel Chaney was a delightful speaker, who told us about the challenges of facing success and disappointment and an angry Bob Gibson on the mound.

It’s always great to see all the old Augusta baseball players. Billy Watkins, the former sheriff’s investigator, was telling people I was so young when I started as a reporter 40 years ago, I took notes with a crayon.

TODAY’S JOKE: A troubled businessman broke down and went to see his priest. Things were terrible; he owed everyone money and he saw no way out.

“Here’s what you do,” the priest said. “Drive down to the beach. Sit in a chair and put the Bible in your lap. Open it and the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer; that will tell you what to do.”

A year later the businessman went back to the priest. The man wore an expensive suit and was only too eager to pull an envelope stuffed with money and give it as a donation.

“So, you did as I suggested?” the priest asked.

“Absolutely,” said the businessman.

“You sat with the Bible and let the wind blow the pages?”

“Absolutely.”

“And you followed the advice?`

“Absolutely.”

The priest was pleased, and asked, “Well what, if you don’t mind sharing, were the first words you saw?”

The businessman smiled back and said, “Chapter 11!

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David Parker
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David Parker 02/22/12 - 11:09 am
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you betcha on the posed

you betcha on the posed question about the tuna-mint

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