Bill KirbyOnline news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Thanksgiving meal requires a pair of fat pants

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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

– G.K. Chesterton

How was your Thanksgiving?

Mine was great because I found the best pair of “fat pants” in my closet and then gobbled my way through the holiday in comfort.

If you don’t have a good pair of fat pants, I suggest finding some before Christmas eating gets here.

Mine worked like a charm. They are black with a permanent crease to give them a sort of formal look, but soft as a pair of sweat pants and about three inches too big. They even have a stretchable waistband.

The pumpkin pie never had a chance.

THANKS: To Gary Rausch and the Grovetown Lions Club for their generous $300 donation to The Chronicle’s Empty Stocking Fund.

Gary and the Lions invited me out to their turkey shoot Wednesday night for the check presentation, and I thanked them all for thinking of the children their donation will help.

I’ll thank you, too. If your group wants to donate to the Empty Stocking Fund, give me a call.

HOLIDAY CHEER: Speaking of helping young people, the Evans High School horticulture students began their holiday poinsettia sale this week. The festive plants are in 6-inch pots and come with pot covers for $7. There are red ones and some “Jingle Bell,” plants, which are red with white spots. These are student grown and the money raised funds greenhouse operations. If you call the school (706) 863-1198 or teacher Phillip Price (, I’m sure you can buy as many as I did.

YOUR MAIL: Pat Van Hooser, of North Augusta, sends a holiday greeting from the front. “Merry Christmas to you and all the CSRA from Afghanistan,” she writes. “Please remember all of our service people so far away from this families this year. Until everyone comes home ...”

And Sandra and Shirley Johnson, of Augusta, sent three postcards from the coast: One shows Jekyll Island, one shows St. Simons Island, one shows Brunswick.

TODAY’S JOKE: A policeman pulled over a vehicle driven by an elderly spinster and began to write out a ticket.

“What are you putting down?” the woman snapped.

“Well,” said the officer, “I’m citing you for crossing over the center line three times, running a stop sign, not to mention that I had to follow you five blocks with my lights flashing to get you to stop.”

“You know,” she said, “it’s a shame you came after me while there are still so many drunks on the roads.”

“To tell the truth, ma’am,” said the policeman, “I thought I had one.”

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shrimp for breakfast
shrimp for breakfast 11/29/11 - 03:28 pm
I've got a perfect pair of

I've got a perfect pair of "heavy eatin' pants" myself Bill.
Great column as usual!

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