KIRBY: The colors of the calendar stretch before us

Color is the keyboard, the eyes are the hammers, the soul is the piano with many strings.

 

– Wassily Kandinsky

A new year arrives and I’m thinking about colors.

Blank as a piece of paper, its message unwritten, January looms. It is a month I always consider as white – colorless as a field of snow.

It’s the way I think, just as I think of October as orange and November as brown.

I began to wonder if the other months have “colors,” and I found that the internet seems to think so.

Britain’s Daily Mail, citing the Huffington Post, offered a monthly palette. January’s color, it seems to think, is caramel. February’s color is lilac, April’s is cayenne. In other words, not colors, but things that have them.

This all seemed as made-up as a middle school homework excuse, so I figured I’d offer a more practical color chart. See what you think:

January (white), February (red and pink), March (dark blue), April (green), May (yellow), June (olive), July (red, white and blue), August (gold), September (blue), October (orange), November (brown), December (red and green).

Maybe next year they can cite us as a source.

GAS SHORTAGE: A century ago the big news in Augusta was the chill. The high on the final day of 1917 had been 24 and the low in the low teens. And a coal shortage was soon joined by a gas shortage.

In a large advertisement, F.L. Marshall of the Gas Light Co. of Augusta, asked customers to use gas “sparingly.”

“Circumstance forces us to take you into our confidence at once and make the appeal,” the ad stated.

A fuel shortage and problems with delivery were cited, as well as “recent abnormal consumption.”

TODAY’S JOKE: Jim Hope offers this tale. A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday.

“I’d love to be 6 again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear – everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie – the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms.

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and lovingly asked “Well, dear, what was it like being 6 again?”

One eye opened.

“You idiot,” the wife said, “I meant my dress size!”

The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he still may get it wrong.

^

Reach Bill Kirby

at bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.

 

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