KIRBY: Fall is the time to leave

“Come, little leaves,” said the Wind one day. “Come over the meadows with me and play.”


― George Cooper

“Oh, come on.”

That’s what I say lately when I get up, walk out to get the morning paper and find leaves all over the place.

I try to keep them off the sidewalk and the driveway and particularly off the patio and deck. (I like the “clean” look and so does the homeowner’s association.) I also like to get rid of them before it rains, because that makes them heavy and slick and harder to remove.

Few autumn sights can be so pretty on a branch and so ugly on the ground.

“Not much longer,” I tell myself, and go searching for the leaf blower.

WEEKEND FUN: It’s also not much longer to Lincoln County’s Pioneer Day this Saturday (10 a.m. to 3 p.m.) Not only will Lincolnton be showing off a look into the past, but offering a taste of it, as well. Gary Jones says they’ve been making cane syrup, which will be for sale.

YOUR MAIL: Steve and Ban, of North Augusta, sent a postcard from Thailand. “Summer is over in Augusta, but feels like it here. Temp in the 90s — humid, also. Here for our son’s wedding, an all-day affair.”

Rusty and Wilma Wade, of Evans, were in Maui, Hawaii and “having a great time for our 56th wedding anniversary. Everything here is unbelievable.”

TODAY’S JOKE: (Maybe you’ve heard it.)

Ernie and P.J. and a couple others shared this story, so I will share with you.

George feared his wife Mary wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. “Here’s what you do,” said the doctor, “Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”

That evening, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”

Then in a normal tone he asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Mary, what’s for dinner?”

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. “Mary, what’s for dinner?”

She turns around and says, “For God sake, George, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!”

Reach Bill Kirby at



Thu, 12/14/2017 - 22:35

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