Glynn Moore: How sad it must be to be beautiful and in need of a date

You might remember those horrible commercials from the 1970s begging us to send money to feed starving children around the world with stomachs distended from hunger, and the more recent ads displaying lean, mangy, three-legged dogs penned up in wire cages in, pondering their next home, not just their next meal.

 

Our hearts bled, and our teared flowed. It’s difficult for me to even type these words without breaking down and counting my blessings.

Now, though, there are organizations placing even more pitiful victims before the advertising cameras and asking us to join the fight against an even greater injustice. I am speaking, of course, of all the beautiful people right here in America who are too pretty to find a date.

Commercials for the multitudes of computer dating sites are rampant, and they all show the same thing: ruggedly handsome athletes, musicians, farmers, cowboys and male models looking for gorgeous beauty queens, movie stars and reality show actresses – who, in turn, are looking for those hunks.

None of them can connect, it seems, so they need dating sites. Rejected by life, they turn to third parties to help find them “soul mates” who can appreciate more than their money, fame and breeding; in other words, their looks.

Sometimes they tease us with success stories among the smooth-faced and exquisitely coiffed. A 25-year-old goddess with the face and figure of an 18-year-old goddess will be seen calling her mother – the only person who will still speak with this poor creature – and bubbling, “Mom, I met someone!”

The commercials never show people who look like me who somehow, inexplicably, find the perfect mate without ever logging on. I pity these lookers who seem destined for loneliness. Help them, dating sites; help them today!

TAKE A BREAK: Today, of course, is an important day. In Mexico, it is celebrated as Benito Juarez Day.

As we all know, Juarez is remembered as the “Lincoln of Mexico,” and not just because he was a lawyer and president who was born three years before our Lincoln and died seven years after ours while working at his desk. No, there were more similarities.

He, too, was a shepherd who was exiled to the United States because of his political liberalism. He, too, was a big reformer, but where Lincoln (“the Juarez of the United States”) ended slavery, Juarez ended the dictatorship of Gen. Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, who had killed David Crockett and Jim Bowie at the Alamo.

Exiled to the U.S. himself, Santa Anna chewed a tree sap called chicle that he introduced to a New York inventor who went on to develop chewing gum. You can see, then, why Juarez was a big deal.

Oh, and today is the first day of spring, too.

Reach Glynn Moore at (706) 823-3419

or glynn.moore@augustachronicle.com.

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