I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
– Bill Wood
Long day. Headed home. I’m stopping for a light ahead when I see a car coming up fast behind me.
I start stomping the brake pedal, hoping the driver will see my taillights and take the hint.
But the driver doesn’t seem to notice. She’s too busy yelling.
I can see her in the rear-view, a dark-haired young woman, shouting into the cellphone she’s holding to her ear. She’s gesturing wildly with her other hand, and I’m wondering: How is she steering?
She does stop, with a lurch, but after the light changes. She swings into the other lane as soon as she can and heads off, still shouting into the phone, still gesturing with her other hand.
Fast and furious.
I’m guessing she uses her knees.
YOUR MAIL: Mary Weatherred, 8, sends a postcard from Wyoming. Martha McGee, “Miss Mitt,” is traveling with Evelyn Johnson and sent a card showing the Chicago skyline. She also sent one from Wisconsin to say, “Evelyn wanted Jack to know she is now out West.”
DeeDee, Pat, Alan, Elizabeth and Henry, Josh, Tara and Auggie were in Oak Island, N.C. Wanda Marsh and Sonya Bailey sent greetings from New Orleans and the International Baccalaureate Americas Conference.
They also offer a shout out to Lake Forest Hills Elementary.
Joyce Wilson, of Augusta, sent “cool” greetings from Stowe, Vt. Clay Justice sent a card from Waterbury, Vt., where he is “looking for a moose.”
Emily and Connor were in Ukraine. Dottie Daly, of McCormick, S.C., was in New York sending a card showing the city and another to report “the North Shore of Long Island is as beautiful as the South Shore.”
Suzana Ashworth, of Grovetown, was in rainy Colorado. Ginny Rushing sends greetings from Maine. Dick McCoppin, of Augusta, was visiting family in Fernandina Beach, Fla.
And finally, Andy, Betsy, Mickey, Keven, Jacob, Chiles, Chip and Joy sent a card from Minnesota on their way to a First Baptist Church South Dakota mission trip.
They made it, too, because Joy, Chip and Chiles Fiske sent another card showing a South Dakota horse stampede.
TODAY’S JOKE: A tourist riding down a country road in the Deep South passed a young boy walking down the lane wearing only one shoe.
Deciding to be friendly, he slowed down the car and asked the youngster, “Say, did you lose a shoe?”
“Nope,” the boy replied. “Found one.”