Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!
– Ogden Nash
It is unfortunate that the holidays often bring out the worst in the best of us. (I speak from experience.)
So, take a moment to enjoy a light-hearted look at Christmas in these jokes shared by your fellow readers. I think you’ll agree, there’s no fool like Yule fool.
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel-drive vehicles.”
“She did,” he replied, “But where in the world was I going to find a fake Jeep?”
– Jim Hope, Sylvania, Ga.
A chess club threw a party at a hotel. Afterward, several members were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to leave. After they left, the manager’s assistant asked, “Why did you make them leave?”
“Because,” the manager replied, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
– Richie Russell, Johnny Hollins
It was a cold and misty Christmas morning in the very depth of winter after a heavy snow, and only one farmer and the minister managed to arrive at church for the morning service.
“Well,” said the clergyman “I guess there’s no point in having a service today.”
“That’s not how I see it,” the farmer said. “If only one cow turns up at feeding time, I still feed it.”
– Billy Cooper
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the Christmas gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first brother, Donald, said, “I built a big house for our mother.”
The second brother, Robert, said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third brother, Joseph, said:
“You remember how Mom enjoys reading Shakespeare. She can’t see very well, so I sent her a remarkable parrot that can recite the complete works of Shakespeare. It took trainers 12 years to teach him - he’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name a poem or a play and the parrot recites it.”
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her Christmas letters of thanks.
“Donald,” she said, “the house you built is so big. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”
To her second son, she wrote, “Robert, I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He’s so much trouble!”
Finally, to her third son, she wrote, “My dearest Joseph,” she said, “the chicken was delicious!”
– Everett Fernandez