Never order food in excess of your body weight.
– Erma Bombeck
Here’s one that might make you scratch your head, McDonald’s is blaming its disappointing 2013 sales revenues on the suspicion that its menu is too complicated.
That’s right, the Golden Architects think we can’t figure out how to order a hamburger.
The weekend editions of The Wall Street Journal quoted company execs speculating they might have tried to offer too many entrees, bottle-necking kitchens, slowing down food preparers and irking customers.
They offered examples, some chuckle-worthy, but I don’t think that’s their problem.
As someone who has eaten at a McDonald’s in a majority of the 50 states, I admire their consistency. If I’m speeding down an interstate in another state at 10 o’clock at night, I can almost guarantee that the double cheeseburger I get in Sweetwater, Tenn., is going to taste like the one they serve 1.87 miles from my house.
And it will probably taste pretty good.
I know there’s a bunch of other stuff on the menu, but I don’t want to eat it so I don’t waste time reading about it ... and you don’t have to tell me the number of calories it contains, either.
It’s a cheeseburger, not a cucumber salad. I got that.
I’m not sure why McDonald’s sales numbers dropped in 2013, but I’d look elsewhere for blame.
DEFINING SUCCESS: Bill Wood, of Hephzibah, offers these definitions.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
VIDEO TIME: My Kirby’s Augusta history videos continue this week with the story about our town’s forgotten neighborhoods: Shake Rag, Lick Skillet, Dublin and Canaan. It’s on augustachronicle.com and YouTube.
TODAY’S JOKE: Robert Symms shares this.
Some of my co-workers and I decided to remove the small, wooden suggestion box from our office because it had received so few entries. We stuck the box on top of a seven-foot-high metal storage cabinet and then promptly forgot about it.
Months later, when the box was moved during remodeling, we found a single slip of paper inside. The suggestion read, “Lower the box!”
Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344