More Than Skin Deep: Shear nonsense for your amusement

After years of being a hair stylist and salon owner and analyzing people, their lives and hair, I have come to a few ridiculous conclusions about silly things that don’t matter much but are fun to think about.


Please be aware that there are absolutely no facts to back anything up.

PEOPLE WHO READ A LOT HAVE LONG EYEBROWS: In an unsupervised, undocumented study of clients with long eyebrows, I believe people who read frequently grow longer eyebrows than those who don’t and their eyebrows need to be trimmed often or they will grow indefinitely, like Einstein’s.

The study revealed that the intense energy expelled from the eye sockets while reading stimulates the hair growth. Gender is not a defining factor, nor is age, although older people have had more time for the manifestation to occur.

After questioning hundreds of unknowing participants in this unregulated study, I have come to the conclusion that the phenomenon happens only when the subject reads from paper instead of a computer. Apparently, the computer somehow sucks the energy directly from the brain, bypassing the face.

LIFE FORCE IS LOST THROUGH CUTTING OF HAIR: Much like the story of Samson, who lost his strength after a haircut, I believe that when the hair is cut by scissors, the blunt cutting creates a minuscule hole where energy from the brain oozes up the DNA strand and evaporates.

By cutting hair with a razor, a bevel is created at the end of the strand of hair, eliminating the need for concern, and it also makes the cut fashionable. Fire may also be used to singe the hair, cauterizing the ends and stopping the leakage.

Believe it or not, this is a very old technique – so old that I can’t find the origin. It was probably once used by American Indians, or is possibly Voodoo, and has taken on a new audience of admirers on YouTube. There are plenty of videos of barbers using a long match to burn off hair as they go.

I would not recommend any home haircuts using this method without programming a hospital’s number into your phone first.

RUB A RED-HEADED CHILD’S HEAD FOR GOOD LUCK: This information was acquired while watching the Andy Griffith Show. Even though there was an absence of color on the program, it is my belief that the child must be a natural redhead. At the moment, I am rubbing the heads of red-headed adults because of the lack of clients in the proper age group who have red hair. Anyone with naturally red-haired children, I would appreciate your cooperation in this study.

TIP OF THE WEEK: Don’t believe everything you read.




Sat, 12/16/2017 - 17:27

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