Posted May 16, 2006 12:40 pm - Updated May 16, 2006 12:47 pm

Bush’s ‘War on Immigrants’

After mixed results with the “War on Iraq” and the “War on Oil,” the president is embarking on his most ambitious war to date - the “War on Immigrants.” To get the country past this sudden and unexpected crisis - the mid term elections - President Bush is once again calling up the troops. This time, the National Guard will be fighting evil-doers at the U.S.-Mexico border. OK. They won’t exactly be fighting evil-doers. They’ll be busy mending fences, building roads and watching surveillance video. While the National Guard is busy keeping illegal immigrants out, the president has asked congress to open the U.S. borders to “guest” workers. Here’s how it will work: Instead of having undocumented immigrants sneaking across our borders at night, the new plan is to issue special ID cards to allow them to walk across the border during the day. These state-of-the-art ID cards will have biometric codes, and may even contain the latest in color imaging technology (a mug shot). When the “guest” worker’s permit expires, the “guest” will quit his job, pack up his belongings, say goodbye to his friends and move back to the impoverished village he ran away from in the first place. If an undocumented worker is caught, the penalty will be severe. They will be sent back to their home country and a note will be put in their permanent record. Here’s a recap of the president’s 5-part plan: 1) Spend lots of money. 2) Put 6,000 troops within commuting distance of our U.S.-Mexican border. 3) Invite lots of “guest” workers into our country. 4) Send back a few undocumented immigrants to their home country. 5) Give millions of illegal immigrants currently in this country a chance to become citizens (a.k.a. amnesty). With a plan like this, our country will once again be safe and secure. - Pop Goes The Weasel