Cheney’s accidental discharge

Hunting on a south Texas ranch, Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a long-time friend on Saturday. Claiming executive privilege, national security, attorney-client privilege and the Second Amendment, few details about the incident have been released.

Here is what The Weasel has learned.

Mr. Cheney mistook 78-year-old attorney Harry Whittington for a Montezuma quail.

After the incident, Mr. Cheney asked the property owner, Katharine Armstrong, to release a few details about the shooting to the media. She called a local newspaper to report the Vice President of the United Stated had accidentally peppered a friend with buckshot.

The phone conversation was picked up by a National Security Agency listening post in Pakistan. Unfortunately, the translator misinterpreted Mrs. Armstrong’s statement that this was a “P.R. disaster” for Mr. Cheney. They thought she was reporting a “Puerto Rico disaster” and immediately contacted the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA).

Trying to improve its image after a scathing Congressional report, FEMA mobilized “everything it had.” They immediately sent trucks full of ice to Maine, mobilized the Nebraska National Guard, ordered the immediate evacuation of Scottsdale, Arizona, and handed our Debit cards to Halliburton executives.

Word of the shooting slowly spread to the mainstream media.

The New York Post headline screamed “Hot lead in the head, Cheney said.”

The New York Times headline exclaimed “V.P. fires shotgun too far to the right.”

Fox News did a 20-minute report on how much better the Vice President’s aim has gotten.

The local police quickly mobilized and started their investigation -- 24-hours after the incident. Within minutes a report was issued. “A weapon owned by a government employee discharged, injuring an individual. Move along. There is nothing to see here.”

On Sunday the White House released official word of the shooting. A spokesman blamed the attorney for sneaking up behind the Vice President.

“It‘s a tragic mistake that could have been avoided” the spokesman said. “The attorney should have said ‘Dick, don’t shoot me! I’m not a quail!’”

- Pop goes The Weasel

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giveitsomethought
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giveitsomethought 02/15/06 - 07:41 am
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Maybe Dan Quayle should go

Maybe Dan Quayle should go hunting with Dickie

mydtwc
0
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mydtwc 02/15/06 - 08:25 am
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This is just another example

This is just another example of a non-story that the liberal media wants to use to discredit our wonderful vice president. I mean so what if the secret service wouldn't give the local law enforcement access to Cheney on the day of the shooting. RIGHT??? That doesn't mean he was drinking or something. And so what if Ann Armstrong said that SHE decided that SHE should tell the local newspaper about this incident the next day??? And so what that she said she hadn't discussed that decision with Cheney?? Or that Scott McClellan said at the news conference that Cheney was the one that made the decision for her to release the information to the local newspaper. One or the other just forgot the facts in all the excitement and everything. It sure doesn't mean he was trying to cover anything up. I mean isn't that normal procedure, for a private citizen to report an incident like this involving the man that is only a heartbeat away from the presidency????

Fox News said it all last night, that the American people could care less about the story itself but they are thoroughly upset at the LEFT WING LIBERAL MEDIA for trying to make a story out of it.

So for all you tree huggers out there, mind your own business and don't worry about some trivial little thing like this. Our vice president is a good moral christian that would never do anything that was less than moral or ethical. You better believe, just like his boss George, you would never catch him having sex in the white house.

0
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02/15/06 - 08:59 am
0
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Outstanding, We need more

Outstanding, We need more people like you. I am so tired of the media taking small stuff and running with it. What ever happen to the good news, instead of this mess we have now. Even local news is getting out of hand. God Bless America

Painter
24
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Painter 02/16/06 - 01:31 pm
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Boy, do I agree with you

Boy, do I agree with you guys. An accident is an accident. there is no reason to make such a flutter, unless you are trying to make someone look bad so you will look good. However, as is the case, that usually backfires. Amen to God Bless America which should be America Glorify God!

patriciathomas
43
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patriciathomas 02/16/06 - 04:31 pm
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What a funny blog. Left wing

What a funny blog. Left wing humor isn't always stupid. Sometimes it is truly funny. You are obviously a government school graduate and I'm certain you're qualified to write for any left leaning newspaper in the country. I think you could pass for informed and your spelling is good.

0
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02/17/06 - 10:28 am
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I would rather Hunt with

I would rather Hunt with Dick Cheney then go driving with Ted Kennndy!

0
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02/17/06 - 03:31 pm
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Well if your going to miss a

Well if your going to miss a Quail it's good to bag a lawyer!!!
Good Shootin Dick.

Dixieman
19028
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Dixieman 02/18/06 - 07:36 am
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Non-story, it's already

Non-story, it's already over. Nice try, libs.
This blog will go nowhere fast in the Chronicle.

ColdBeerBoiledPeanuts
13420
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ColdBeerBoiledPeanuts 02/18/06 - 07:58 am
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I think Cheney should invite

I think Cheney should invite Ted Kennedy and Hillary to go hunting with him next...

tgulleyjazz
0
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tgulleyjazz 02/20/06 - 03:09 pm
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Isn't anyone concerned about

Isn't anyone concerned about the victim? I hope he recovers completely and I still don't understand why this unfortunate accident caused such a media frenzy. Aren't there more significant things that warrant out attention?

0
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02/25/06 - 07:58 pm
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some people just have

some people just have nothing else to do,.

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