Boy oh boy oh boy

Today's topic: dealing with negative comments, specifically about having another boy (or another girl).

Reader Jessica writes:

We are expecting a new baby soon, and just found out...uh-huh...it's another baby boy! We feel very blessed and happy, but since we have been sharing the news, I find myself sad and even crying because of people's rude reactions. People cover their faces with their hands and mutter, "I'm so sorry." Others ask when we'll be trying again for a girl (and they really mean it!)

What I'm wondering is...do you/have you gotten these same types of reactions? And if so, how do you handle that? I realize that I am probably being way too over-emotional, being pregnant and all...but wow--it hurts not to have others share your joy.

When I read this letter, I could absolutely feel Jessica's pain. I have gotten to the point where I try (I really, really try) to assume that people aren't meaning to be rude, but it really is amazing what people will say.

The situation was a bit different for me because we didn't find out gender before any of the boys were born. And specifically with baby Henry, I put off finding out for the very reason that if it was another boy, I did not want to spend the next six months getting that sad look from people. If this sounds like a "woe is me" kinda thing, maybe it is -- I think it's important to remember that when a woman is pregnant, there is a wide and intense range of emotions that make even innocent comments feel like a deep and painful cut.

Even after we had Henry, I was amazed at what people would say, poor me being outnumbered (not too bad) and how in the world did I survive (which I sometimes wonder myself) and would I be trying for the girl (some days funny, some days totally offensive). Again, as I write this, I realize it's just people being chatty, just being curious and making conversation. But really, when you hear this day after day, it makes a woman wonder 1) is her life really that bad with all these boys and 2) is she really missing out by not having a girl?

What I've learned in the midst of dealing with these comments is that you have to figure out a way to not take them personally. I told Jessica that it is indeed as she suspects -- being pregnant only exacerbates the issue. Once that precious baby is born, you won't care what people say about you not having a girl -- because if it means having to trade in one of these boys, you will be happy to go on not knowing what all the fuss is about.

Any other words of wisdom or encouragement? How do you handle the comments?

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skip2malew
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skip2malew 09/08/08 - 09:10 am
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I have 2 boys and 2 girls. I

I have 2 boys and 2 girls. I grew up with 5 sisters so I was a little worried about having boys but I am so glad I got to experience being a mom to them. They can be so funny and so much fun to be with! I was also surprised at how brave they are, I can't count how many times I have had to close my eyes when I would hear "look mom", whether they were on their bikes or skateboards or jumping off the roof! I love having girls too but I am so glad I had my 2 boys!

rebeccab
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rebeccab 09/08/08 - 01:09 pm
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I have three boys myself and

I have three boys myself and have been constantly asked "so are you going to try for that girl?" My response is "oh no! I can barely handle boys, much less, throw a girl in the mix". I know I was blessed (cursed, whichever day it is) with these boys and to be honest, I don't know if I can handle a girl. My suggestion is to smile,politely thank them, and mutter "what an idiot" under your breath...lol..just kidding. Just let comments roll off your back because God must have a plan if he blessed you with another boy. He must believe you can handle it.

johnsmith
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johnsmith 09/10/08 - 01:07 pm
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In the larger context, these

In the larger context, these are just variations on the horrible things that (women, especially) say to pregnant women. In each of her pregnancies, my wife had to listen to every other woman's tale of horror re: her cousin's best friend, who took great care of herself, took the baby vitamins, did everything that could be done, and then nearly died on the table, and the baby was in the NICU for 34 1/2 months, and now he's registering Democrat, and you know that that just had to be some brain damage, and... Goodness! The only rational thing to say to a pregnant lady is "I'm so happy for you!" Other than that, try listening to what SHE has to say, for a change...

lscowan
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lscowan 09/10/08 - 06:58 pm
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My daughter and son-in-law

My daughter and son-in-law just had their 3rd boy and we all could not be happier that they are all healthy. May God bless all parents of boys.

rsbalducci
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rsbalducci 09/10/08 - 07:46 pm
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Thank you all for the

Thank you all for the comments and encouragement (I'm sure reader Jessica thanks you too). It's true people will say the darndest things. I guess one of the nice things about having all these boys is that no one has ever given me grief about having "another" baby -- it's just so obvious I'm trying for my girl ;)

Chris Gay
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Chris Gay 09/11/08 - 02:16 pm
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With almost 3-year-old

With almost 3-year-old triplets, my wife and I have received a slew of negative comments through the years. Some are: "Are those triplets? I feel sorry for you." Or "I'd hate to be you." You get the picture.

Some people are idiots. Once you remember that it makes life easier. 

We remind ourselves that there's a reason God gave us triplets and not the people making the insipid comments. 

PLAYLIKETHUNDER4
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PLAYLIKETHUNDER4 09/12/08 - 10:49 am
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REMEMBER MR. "T"...USED TO

REMEMBER MR. "T"...USED TO SAY "PITY THE FOOL"?? MOST PEOPLE ARE TRULY CLUELESS, UNLESS THEY HAVE EXPERIENCED IT.YOU HAVE TO SIMPLY KEEP YOUR PERSPECTIVE, AND YOUR SERENITY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COMMENTS,AVOID THE KNOWN IDIOTS,BUT CHERISH AND KEEP CLOSE THOSE WHO ARE A HELP AND A SOURCE OF STRENGTH FOR YOU. ONE DAY YEARS AGO I CAME HOME FROM WORK AND MY WIFE WAS SITTING IN THE FLOOR BOO-HOOING HER HEART OUT ,HOLDING A LITTLE PINK DRESS TO HER CHEST.I ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG, AND SHE BLURTED OUT "IT'S NOT FAIR ,THEY TOLD ME IT WAS A GIRL, NOW THEY SAY IT'S A BOY AND I WANTED A GIRL-IT'S NOT FAIR!" THAT'S HOW TAYLOR MICHELLE BECAME TAYLOR MICHAEL......

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