Posted September 27, 2007 03:29 pm - Updated September 27, 2007 03:33 pm

The Top 10 Reasons To Move To (or at least visit) Hawaii:

In my first blog entry I listed the top ten reasons NOT to move to Hawaii and I promised that I would give the top ten reasons for moving to (or at least visiting) Hawaii the next time. So here it is.

I managed to work my way out of my lethargic, procrastinating, lazy, island mode long enough to type this out. It is so exhausting. I know you feel for me here in Hawaii having to actually sit up and type this in bed. To be honest though, I have always been a lethargic, procrastinating, lazy person. The only difference now is that I fit in better and don’t seem quite so lazy by contrast. In fact, people here think I am downright industrious.

The Top 10 reasons to move to (or at least visit) Hawaii:

10. Come on, it’s Hawaii, do I REALLY need to enumerate the reasons?

9. Shopping. (The females of the family made me include this one)

8. No snakes.

7. See a sunrise and sunset on the same day without flying.

6. Temperature.

Average high temperature in Hawaii in August: 88. What was the temperature in Augusta this August? Wasn’t it like a million degrees give-or-take? (Actually 105+)

Average low temperature in Hawaii in January: 75. Augusta: 33.

5. Great fishing, scuba diving, snorkeling, surfing, kayaking, sailing and boating opportunities all around.

4. Beautiful wahines in tiny bikinis.

(Note 1: For those who didn’t read my first entry with the glossary; A wahine is a woman and when you pronounce it, it rhymes with bikini. Yes, now you get it.)

(Note 2: I wanted this one higher, but my wife hit me in the back of the head and said no)

And speaking of bikinis, that reminds me of number 3 on the list…

3. Beaches and mountains within site of one another.

2. Almost no mosquitoes or flies. Really. No kidding!

1. Laid-back lifestyle. The laid-back lifestyle and attitude here makes Southern “front porch sittin’” seem stressful and hurried by comparison.

There are lots of other great things about Hawaii and I am sure this list will be revised over time, but at least this is a start.

And now, In the “Things I promised to tell you about last time” department...

A mahu is a Tahitian male raised as a female. So, roughly, mahu translates as transvestite. Now you understand what I was talking about in the glossary last time don’t you? What? You didn’t read it? Well, go read it now, then come back… Are we on the same page now? Good.

If you find yourself in Hawaii and want to catch your favorite SEC or ACC team on TV, you can do what I did and get a SlingBox. It plugs into your cable box at home and lets you watch and control TV from anywhere with an internet connection and a PC or from a smartphone like a Palm Treo or Motorola Q. It works great.

I mentioned before that there are no Krispy Kreme donuts in Hawaii. That is only partially true. On the island of Oahu where Honolulu is and 80% of the population of the state live, there is no Krispy Kreme. However, the island of Maui has one. It is the only Krispy Kreme in the entire state as far as I know. I paid $20 for a box my second week here because I was having withdrawal symptoms. It turns out that the locals here know about the Haoli obsession with Krispy Kreme donuts and so they regularly fly over to Maui and back to Oahu with a few cases of them that they sell for their fundraisers at outrageous prices. This can cause a dilemma for a man of principle like myself. Once when I went to the bad side of town to "score some Krispy Kreme", as we addicts refer to it, the money was passing from my hand when I made the mistake of asking what they were raising money for. When they said "The Society To Send All Haolis Home and Secede from the Union" I knew I should ask for my money back and I even tried to, but somehow the words that came out of my mouth were, "can I get two boxes?"

I also said that sweet tea was nearly impossible to find. I was happy to find that all of the Ruby Tuesday restaurants have sweet tea and they do it well. The two Ruby Tuesday locations I know of on Oahu are Ala Moana Mall between Waikiki and downtown Honolulu and Windward Mall in Kaneohe. By the way, don’t go into Bubba Gump’s and expect to get sweet tea despite the fact that it is decorated in South Carolina and Georgia memorabilia, pictures, and maps related to the movie. They do NOT have it. I spoke with the manager and told him that he really can’t pass the restaurant off as an authentic Southern cuisine restaurant without sweet tea (and real hush puppies). I will update you later if they add it to the menu.

As long as we are on the subject of food, the one Denny’s I have been to on the “Big Island” of Hawaii had grits and they weren’t too bad.

Well, that is all for now. Next time, I will list and tell you a little bit about some of the places you should go to in Hawaii that you have probably never heard of.

Aloha, Y’all!