The Top 10 Reasons To Move To (or at least visit) Hawaii:

In my first blog entry I listed the top ten reasons NOT to move to Hawaii and I promised that I would give the top ten reasons for moving to (or at least visiting) Hawaii the next time. So here it is.

I managed to work my way out of my lethargic, procrastinating, lazy, island mode long enough to type this out. It is so exhausting. I know you feel for me here in Hawaii having to actually sit up and type this in bed. To be honest though, I have always been a lethargic, procrastinating, lazy person. The only difference now is that I fit in better and don’t seem quite so lazy by contrast. In fact, people here think I am downright industrious.

The Top 10 reasons to move to (or at least visit) Hawaii:

10. Come on, it’s Hawaii, do I REALLY need to enumerate the reasons?

9. Shopping. (The females of the family made me include this one)

8. No snakes.

7. See a sunrise and sunset on the same day without flying.

6. Temperature.

Average high temperature in Hawaii in August: 88. What was the temperature in Augusta this August? Wasn’t it like a million degrees give-or-take? (Actually 105+)

Average low temperature in Hawaii in January: 75. Augusta: 33.

5. Great fishing, scuba diving, snorkeling, surfing, kayaking, sailing and boating opportunities all around.

4. Beautiful wahines in tiny bikinis.

(Note 1: For those who didn’t read my first entry with the glossary; A wahine is a woman and when you pronounce it, it rhymes with bikini. Yes, now you get it.)

(Note 2: I wanted this one higher, but my wife hit me in the back of the head and said no)

And speaking of bikinis, that reminds me of number 3 on the list…

3. Beaches and mountains within site of one another.

2. Almost no mosquitoes or flies. Really. No kidding!

1. Laid-back lifestyle. The laid-back lifestyle and attitude here makes Southern “front porch sittin’” seem stressful and hurried by comparison.

There are lots of other great things about Hawaii and I am sure this list will be revised over time, but at least this is a start.

And now, In the “Things I promised to tell you about last time” department...

A mahu is a Tahitian male raised as a female. So, roughly, mahu translates as transvestite. Now you understand what I was talking about in the glossary last time don’t you? What? You didn’t read it? Well, go read it now, then come back… Are we on the same page now? Good.

If you find yourself in Hawaii and want to catch your favorite SEC or ACC team on TV, you can do what I did and get a SlingBox. It plugs into your cable box at home and lets you watch and control TV from anywhere with an internet connection and a PC or from a smartphone like a Palm Treo or Motorola Q. It works great.

I mentioned before that there are no Krispy Kreme donuts in Hawaii. That is only partially true. On the island of Oahu where Honolulu is and 80% of the population of the state live, there is no Krispy Kreme. However, the island of Maui has one. It is the only Krispy Kreme in the entire state as far as I know. I paid $20 for a box my second week here because I was having withdrawal symptoms. It turns out that the locals here know about the Haoli obsession with Krispy Kreme donuts and so they regularly fly over to Maui and back to Oahu with a few cases of them that they sell for their fundraisers at outrageous prices. This can cause a dilemma for a man of principle like myself. Once when I went to the bad side of town to "score some Krispy Kreme", as we addicts refer to it, the money was passing from my hand when I made the mistake of asking what they were raising money for. When they said "The Society To Send All Haolis Home and Secede from the Union" I knew I should ask for my money back and I even tried to, but somehow the words that came out of my mouth were, "can I get two boxes?"

I also said that sweet tea was nearly impossible to find. I was happy to find that all of the Ruby Tuesday restaurants have sweet tea and they do it well. The two Ruby Tuesday locations I know of on Oahu are Ala Moana Mall between Waikiki and downtown Honolulu and Windward Mall in Kaneohe. By the way, don’t go into Bubba Gump’s and expect to get sweet tea despite the fact that it is decorated in South Carolina and Georgia memorabilia, pictures, and maps related to the movie. They do NOT have it. I spoke with the manager and told him that he really can’t pass the restaurant off as an authentic Southern cuisine restaurant without sweet tea (and real hush puppies). I will update you later if they add it to the menu.

As long as we are on the subject of food, the one Denny’s I have been to on the “Big Island” of Hawaii had grits and they weren’t too bad.

Well, that is all for now. Next time, I will list and tell you a little bit about some of the places you should go to in Hawaii that you have probably never heard of.

Aloha, Y’all!  

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Connor Threlkeld
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Connor Threlkeld 09/28/07 - 10:05 am
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I agree with you, #10 about

I agree with you, #10 about covers it.

I used to talk to my Hawaiian friends, but most of what they talked about came across (to me, at least) as bragging, though it probably wasn't intentional. It's hard to talk about your day in Hawaii without it sounding awesome.

bccinco
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bccinco 10/04/07 - 05:34 pm
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It is a myth that there are

It is a myth that there are no snakes in Hawaii. Perhaps this was true in the past, but not since R. braminus was introduced to these islands somewhere in the 1980s.

iletuknow
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iletuknow 10/06/07 - 05:40 am
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Not even the small time

Not even the small time crooks in Augusta's government could afford Hawaii on a long term basis.

mgroothand
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mgroothand 10/09/07 - 08:54 am
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Re: the "no snakes" comment,

Re: the "no snakes" comment, I think he meant Ireland where they were driven out by divine intervention as in St Patrick.  

jbarrychristian
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jbarrychristian 10/10/07 - 12:50 pm
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Technically, you are

Technically, you are correct. However, when I said there were no snakes in Hawaii, I did NOT mean it in the absolute sense, but in a practical sense. I also did not confuse Hawaii with Ireland, but thanks anyway.

So, for you hyper-technical nay-sayers:

There are PRACTICALLY no snakes in Hawaii. There are so few that when someone sees one it makes the news! Then the news reports that a ranger was sent to find the snake and destroy it. A recent example was a brown tree snake that was seen, found, and "handled". Whatever that means.

It is the equivelant of saying there are no democrats in Columbia County or honest politicians in Washington, D.C. There probably are a few, but they are so hard to find that you could spend twenty years there and probably never see even one.

I have walked through the woods or taken a boat down the Savannah back home in Georgia and South Carolina in the middle of summer and seen scores of snakes. I have been through rainforests and on bodies of water here in Hawaii both on Oahu and the big island of Hawaii and I have yet to see a snake despite the ideal conditions for them. The only thing I have seen that even reminds me of a snake are a lot of lizards and one eel.

bamagirl1
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bamagirl1 03/23/08 - 06:54 pm
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There are no snakes in

There are no snakes in Hawaii. I went out on an eco-safari there this past October, and was told they don't have any on the Islands.

Malulani
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Malulani 03/24/08 - 06:57 pm
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WOW... Another stupid haole

WOW... Another stupid haole that just can't resist the need to share with the world their island expertise. People like yourself make me absolutely sick to my stomach and are a constant reminder of the endless suppression that our people have suffered since the introduction of the white man (fully equipt with disease, centipedes, scorpions, rats and all the other filth that came along with). I won't even justify your article by informing you of all of the information in it that is wrong. I'm willing to bet it's close to 75%. I actually enjoy the fact that you think you know so much. But just for the record, it's people like you that make us cringe and who ultimately do NOT belong here. Thank you for returning to the mainland. It's where you belong.

Malulani
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Malulani 03/24/08 - 06:59 pm
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You came to Hawai'i to have

You came to Hawai'i to have Ruby Tuesdays and Krispy Kremes? Wow! Couldn't stay on the mainland to get fat, eh?? hahaha

BASG
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BASG 07/06/08 - 03:42 am
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About the sweet tea....Dixie

About the sweet tea....Dixie Grill in Aiea serves huge glasses of it that truly remind me of the south. (I'm from Georgia)

BASG
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BASG 07/06/08 - 03:52 am
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I miss Chik-Fil-A and Olive

I miss Chik-Fil-A and Olive Garden more than Krispy Kreme Doughnuts

BASG
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BASG 07/06/08 - 03:44 am
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About the sweet tea....Dixie

About the sweet tea....Dixie Grill in Aiea serves huge glasses of it that truly remind me of the south. (I'm from Georgia)

AimforAwesome
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AimforAwesome 02/07/09 - 10:55 pm
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I haven't seen snakes in 6

I haven't seen snakes in 6 yrs... Great blog and I'm enjoying reading your perspective on life in Hawaii. I was sent in the Air Force years ago - and consider it home now. I'll be getting back there at some point - a year? 2? Recently I wrote a big post about how to move to hawaii at my blog. Not sure I can link here - so, will leave it at that. Good luck there - leave your windows of your car open if you don't want the windows broken... while you're at magic island or wherever you happen to be... :)

lovelife
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lovelife 09/20/09 - 03:22 pm
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Hawaii is amazing, the best

Hawaii is amazing, the best getaway vacation I've ever had. Left my damn NYC office. Suits off, spending my day wearing bahamas and a straw hat, sipping wine and having a good cigar. Feels like heaven.

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