The three great elemental sounds in nature are the sound of rain, the sound of wind in a primeval wood, and the sound of outer ocean on a beach.
— Henry Beston
Looking for America”s best beach this summer?
The Associated Press says it’s Siesta Key on Florida’s Gulf Coast near Sarasota.
Stephen Leatherman, a professor at Miami’s Florida International University, has gained a reputation for rating our beaches, and he says Siesta Key is the best.
Mostly because its 99 percent white quartz “soft as a kitten’s fur.”
Other beaches that made his list this year are: Kapalua Bay Beach in Maui, Hawaii; Ocracoke Lifeguarded Beach on the Outer Banks of North Carolina; Grayton Beach State Park on the Florida Panhandle; Coopers Beach in Southampton, N.Y.; Coast Guard Beach on Cape Cod in Massachusetts; Caladesi Island State Park in Dunedin/Clearwater, Florida; Hapuna Beach State Park, Big Island, Hawaii; Coronado Beach in San Diego; and Beachwalker Park on Kiawah Island, S.C.
And if you make any of these, be sure to tell us how it rates in a vacation postcard to me care of The Augusta Chronicle, 725 Broad St., Augusta, GA 30901.
YOU COUNT: Lorinda Fournier said 19 Newfoundlanders went to the movies. The ticket lady asks “Why so many of you?”
“Well,” one of the men said, “the film said ‘18 or over.’ “
TODAY’S JOKE: Rocky shares an old favorite.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big-shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge quickly ordered both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.”
Reach Bill Kirby at firstname.lastname@example.org or (706) 823-3344.