You argue with the umpire because there is nothing else you can do about it.
-- Leo Durocher
It took almost 20 years, but my wife and I finally had an argument over what to watch on TV.
I dragged in the other night after another long day at the Broad Street coal mine, slumped in front of the biggest TV screen in the house and asked her for the remote.
"We're not changing it," she said.
"I wanted to watch the Braves," I said. "They're finally winning again."
"No," she said firmly. "You can go watch the other TV, I want to watch this."
"This" was The Bachelorette -- a show I find, to be polite, unwatchable.
"It's like wrestling," I told her. "They've already decided who she's going to pick."
I don't know if this is true, by the way, but if it isn't, it probably should be.
My wife ignored me. Something she is very good at.
And because there was nothing I could do, I sulked off to another room certain that the Braves would return to the World Series before the Bachelorette found true happiness.
MAILBAG: Your vacation travels continue. Joy Southern and others from Augusta send a card from Statesboro. Karen and Ed Wilson, of North Augusta, ate lobster in Boston.
Elizabeth Copeland, of Augusta, represented the Pilot Club at a San Diego convention. Ray and Evelyn Hatton, of Martinez, were in Kentucky.
JoAnn Lundquist and Jeanne Baggs, of Augusta, found Alaska "awesome." Tom and Sheran Proctor were enjoying Colonial Williamsburg.
The Brejda family of Martinez was in Taos and Santa Fe. Sam and Suzanne were in Colorado and sent our only card from Utah.
Walt was visiting New York state for his 50th class reunion. Marjorie Jimenez, of Augusta, was in Mississippi. And Big Al PaPa enjoyed the Outer Banks of North Carolina.
Bob Divita was in North Dakota, which he says has nice golf courses. April in Grovetown was on the way to Virginia Beach. The Robersons from Thomson were in Florida.
And Clifford and Charlene Williamson, of Edgefield, were having a ball in Branson, Mo.
TODAY'S JOKE: Here's one from Randy Strong.
A woman died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. She had lived a commendable life, and St. Peter greeted her warmly.
"All you have to do," he said with a smile, "is spell one word."
"What is it?" she asked.
"Love," he said.
The woman quickly spelled the word and entered.
About a year passed and St. Peter asked her to fill in one day at his station by the gates.
The woman did so, and was soon surprised to see her husband approaching, seeking entry.
"How have you been?" she asked excitedly.
"Great," he answered. "Soon after you died I married that cute, young nurse who was taking care of you in the hospital. Then I won the lottery. We sold that little house you and I lived in for years, and built a really nice mansion that my new wife had fun decorating. Then we decided to travel the world, which is what we were doing when I had a heart attack and died."
His old wife paused a moment, then said, "Well, to get into heaven you have to spell one word correctly."
"OK," said her husband. "What's the word?"
She looked him in the eye and said, "Czechoslovakia."
Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or email@example.com.